I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
