What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
