I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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