please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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