there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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