Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
