you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
