Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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