Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
