just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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