An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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