You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
