I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Is Oprah even human
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
