This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
