she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
