True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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