Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
