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Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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