i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
