My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
