I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
