I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
