And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
