well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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