Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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