I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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