I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
