foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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