It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
