dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize