We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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