I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
