i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
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as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize