So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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