The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
What happened to fro yo and sex?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
