A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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