You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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