Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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