"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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