Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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