Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
