i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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