"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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