He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
