he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
