My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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