He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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