Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think your dad took our porno
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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