Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
