i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
