I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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