i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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