i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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