I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
