Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
