so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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