I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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