Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
