My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
