Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
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She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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