i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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