You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
