the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
