apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
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God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
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this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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