I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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