you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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