I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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