Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
