a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
