just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
