I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
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It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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