Is it normal to miss your booty call?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
