she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
