I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
