The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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